


The Long Way 'Round

by ARandomFactoid



Series: BrennanBreaksCanon [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Developing Relationship, F/M, First Kiss, Friends With Benefits, Heavy Petting, Implied Past Relationships, M/M, Multi, No on screen sex, One Night Stands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-29
Updated: 2014-03-29
Packaged: 2018-01-17 09:50:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1383061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ARandomFactoid/pseuds/ARandomFactoid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brennan Shepard's adventures on the Citadel, just after the attempted coup of the Citadel by Cerberus.  (Read: The Apollo's scene redux).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Reputation Is:

**Author's Note:**

> First posted on Tumblr under the same username - using it as a first posting on Ao3!  
> Brennan is my 'no canon rules apply' Shepard - so if something doesn't make sense, it may be my writing, or I changed something in the 'verse.

Brennan Shepard knows he has a reputation, and not just the N7-First Human Spectre-Saviour of the Citadel-Came Back From the Dead to stop the Collectors bit. Ben is, by his own admission, a bit of a cad - knowing full well one generally does not become a trending topic on extranet celebrity gossip sites by being semper fidelis in his personal life. He’s not ashamed of it; it’s just a fact and would be hypocritical to deny when he’s made a bit of a show of bedding half his crew and a fair few civilians along the way. (He didn’t mean to, he swears to himself. It just, happened). He’s also an incorrigible flirt - and its served him well, in both his professional and personal life, and a big reason the two intersect on such a regular basis. 

He’s been living up to that reputation today. First, he’s made a pass at Cortez; who’s as good a kisser as Ben imagined, but who ultimately turned him down with a sigh and a suggestion Ben have a conversation with the Major. Ben thought about arguing the point; that he was there, with Steve, for a reason. But, tactically, Ben knows there’s no good way to explain that Kaidan is different, that he couldn’t just pull Kaidan, his best friend, without dissing Steve in the implied comparison. So he finished his drink with a smile, they parted ways, and Ben wandered down to Aria’s little section of Purgatory. He had a few more with the smirking crime boss, talking shit about her plans to re-take Omega. He’s tempted to make a pass at Aria; but awed by her just not giving a fuck - pretty sure she’d turn him down flat.   
Then, once pleasantly buzzed, he remembered he had outstanding appointments with Lawson and Alenko. Miranda would be less than impressed with his current state, but Kaidan would be even less so by his showing up for drinks already one and a half sheets to the wind. Miranda just wanted to talk, easy enough to do as his system worked through the drink. He plots his course, planning to deploy to his usual ‘talking to Lawson’ routine - snark, smirk, and flirt - thinking to burn off some the energy still bouncing around his system from Steve. As it turned out, Miranda had plans of her own that would meet his needs quite well.

“To be honest,” Shepard joked as they dressed, plopping himself on the bed to see to his boots. “I’d never thought you'd be interested, Lawson. I mean you’ve already seen me naked, and at length.”

“Is that what you do this for?” she laughed, quite the sight half-dressed in front of him, “The mental pictures?” She zipped a boot along the inside of her calf, and he looked away, a memory of Tali pulsing to the forefront.

“No… I… it’s more than that.”

“Then what?” Another zip - the one that ran up her side.

He turned and watched her secure the last few buttons and snaps he had so recently helped her undo. “I’m not sure I’d believe me if I told you. I don’t have any regrets, though.”

“Well,” she said with a flourish of putting her hair in place, “let’s hope the right person is around when you figure it out.”

“And if you’re the right person?” he asked, looking up at her from his perch on the bed.

She laughed and stroked his ear “I’m not.”

Narrowing his eyes at her, he searched her face for meaning. Finding nothing more than her simple truth, he let out a breath. “You are always right, Lawson - well, except when I am.”

“Ha ha.” Miranda rejoined dryly. Then, checking her omni-tool, she asked “You said you had an appointment with Alenko - you’re going to be late if you don’t get moving.”

“Aye aye, I’m dismissed.” Ben drawled, rising and making for the door. Stopping, unable to make a breezy exit, “Don’t get lost in the shuffle, Lawson, you’re too good to go down before we win this thing.”

She shot him a smile. “You too, Shepard.”


	2. Birds on a Railing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Brennan Shepard runs into a friend (it’s Liara)

A C-Sec investigation blocked his direct route to Apollo’s, and the round-about way led him to Liara, surprised to find her just leaning against a railing in the market district of the Presidium. She remarks upon his rumpled appearance, and as always, she’s too open with him to lie to her. She rolls her eyes, but laughs, and helps him smooth out the wrinkles and pats down his hair, giving him a glare when he calls her mom.

“I may be old enough to be your mother in human terms, but I am still quite young by my own - besides if you really thought so, you should have said something months ago,” she chides with a small shove of his shoulder when she’s finished with his hair.”

“I dunno, Liara, you weren’t exactly motherly, back then.” he says, checking her hip with his own as they re-settle against the railing.

“Exactly,” Liara confirmed, with a nod. “So,” she continued, looking away, but with a smile he could see at the corner of her mouth. “a lunch date with Kaidan?” 

Ben rolled his eyes, “Lunch, drinks - not a date.”

“Of course not,” Liara said slowly. “just.. friends?”

Brennan snorted, “I don’t have so many that my friends are ‘just’ anything. But Kaidan… he’s like a friend from back home - and I don’t know if I have any of those left. If I do, he’s - Jodi’s- out there, somewhere, I hope.”

“I still haven’t found anything about Jodi’s whereabouts after the Reapers hit Earth, I’m sorry, Shepard.” Liar’s tone fell, and she turned to face him again. “But it was you who ordered us all off the ship for ‘twenty-four hours of our preferred behaviors, social or otherwise’. So, Commander, what has you so worried you’re not following your own orders?”

“What? I can’t spend a few minutes with a friend chatting on my way to a lunch date?”

“So it is a lunch date then?” Liara beamed at him. “But you are changing the subject.”

Ben ran his hand through his hair, knowing he was ruining Liara’s work. “I’ve been extra… me today. With Miranda… and Steve earlier - just a kiss!” he added, seeing Liara's brow rise. “He, turned me down, told me to see Kaidan. And… I’m going to whine a bit - William’s has only just decided we can get past… Horizon, and I haven’t even heard from Tali since… before I turned myself in to the Alliance. And the shit you and everyone else has let me get away with. I don’t have so many friends to keep screwing around, bluebird.” he finished with a sigh. “And.. well shit, Kaidan won’t even judge, he’ll understand, and be the perfect friend. He’ll make me feel better about my screw-ups, and he’s got enough on his plate without dealing with my baggage.”

“You can be quite the bird brain.” Liara chided “You’ll tell me all this, but not him? I think you should stop procrastinating, you’re very late, and maybe you will actually learn something you didn’t know before.” Liara elbowed him in the ribs, making him wince. “Let’s pretend, just this once, that the Shadow Broker outranks you.”

“Aye Aye, Commander Shepard out.” he threw her a salute. Then, rubbing his side, “Don’t let anyone tell you the ladies of the Normandy crew aren’t hard-asses. This is the second time today I’ve been dismissed by someone not even in the Alliance chain of command.”  
Liara gave him another smile. “Maybe former operative Lawson and I are more alike than I thought. We might have to - compare notes sometime.”

“Don’t threaten me, bluebird. It’s scary.’ Ben wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “But, message received, General T’Soni.” he pushed off with a kiss to her temple, but turned around when he felt her wrap her fingers around his wrist.

He opened his mouth to speak, but Liara cut him off, “Just while I still have the chance.” she said, reeling him in and planting a proper kiss, with tongue, before letting him go with a pat on the shoulder, his head spinning.


	3. Just Lunch?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Apollo's scene

_And thus,_ Shepard thinks as he approaches Apollo’s, _I reveal to my closest friend just how much of a fuck-up I am - been a good run, Brennan._ He’s sober, but his mind is swimming. Just a few hours ago, he was agitated and jumpy after Steve turned him down. Ben thought Steve wanted - _No,_ Ben corrected, _Steve knows what he wants, and it wasn’t me, I know that._ There’s an attraction, sure, but Steve is good, safe, and Ben just isn’t those things.

 _But that’s not what Steve brought up - it was Kaidan._ Either way, he proved himself a cad by immediately falling into bed with Lawson. It was a casual thing, sure, but he had just pretended he was going to give his heart away to Steve not an hour before. She mentioned Kaidan too. And a third strike if anyone’s playing ball with his sex life, Liara had kissed him, thoroughly, before sending him on his way again. To Kaidan. Deciding that being sober wasn’t turning out to be a great idea, he decided to sweet-talk Althyeta into actually serving him ryncol - one shot wouldn’t put an end to his night, but hopefully an end to his angsting - _isn’t thirty supposed to be easier than sixteen? No more shore-leave for me until this war is over._

But, there he is, Kaidan- _fuck me_ -Alenko, in full view of the bar, waiting for him at a table. He doesn’t even have a drink in front of him, and will definitely notice if Ben is off his face, knee deep in ryncol. Ben’s insides do that thing they’ve begun to do whenever he looks at Kaidan, especially when Kaidan doesn’t know he’s looking. _Since we saved each other on the collector base, and I realized I hadn’t gotten us both killed._ So he merely gives Aethyta a smile and a salute, earning himself a friendly scowl from his favorite asari bartender, and putting his game face on, makes for Kaidan.

Kaidan looks up before he reaches the table, flashing a grin before turning thoughtful.

_Shit_

“Hey Shepard, up to your usual antics?”

 _Again, shit._ “Hello to you too, Alenko. And what antics would I get up to without you?”

“Oh, I don’t know - the usual, Brennan Shepard variety. You’ve never needed my help with those antics.” Kaidan says drolly.

“Well, here I am, whole and hale - mostly fit for a proper inspection.” Ben defends, crossing his arms across his abdomen, leaning forward, his head almost on the table. “In fact, I could use a drink - this is shore leave, after all.”

“More like you could use another drink, if I know that stance.” Kaidan laughs. “You have been up to something - somethings.”

Ben sighs, letting his head rest on the table, relishing the cool metal on his forehead. “Of course, it’s me after all - trouble finds me, even when its not the trouble I’m looking for.”

“Well,” Kaidan says, drawing the word out. “Cortez mentioned he was going to Purgatory today, and if I’m not mistaken you were planning on another meeting with Lawson, and I ran into Liara in the markets on my way here, which I believe is the direction you came from, as the opposite pathway is still blocked by C-Sec.” Kaidan ticked each possibility off neutrally, without questioning if Brennan had even run into any of them.

 _Shit, fuck and damn._ “Anyone tell you you’d make a hell of a Spectre, Alenko?.”

“A friend, once or twice.” Kaidan replies, “So was I right?”

“Maybe,” Brennan hedges.

“That’s a yes- so, any new developments I should be aware of?” Kaid asked, sounding indifferent as he flags down a waiter.

Brennan rolls his head to the side, opening one eye to regard Kaidan, who was looking away, at the waiter. He has a polite smile on his face, for the waiter, Ben thinks, but something is off - his affect flat, controlled, like the old LT. “Will Williams be joining us?”

“No,” is all Kaidan has time to say before the waiter arrives. He orders a beer for himself, then noticing Brennan isn’t taking much interested in the waiter, orders a beer for him as well. Continuing once the waiter walks away, saying, “She’s spending leave with her sister… and I didn’t invite her."

That makes Ben sit up, “Really. You two have been getting along pretty well since she’s come back to the Normandy-”

“I’m not trying to get you two back together.” Kaidan says, defensively.

“Never said you were,” Ben answers, holding his hands up in surrender. “But you do want us to be friends, like we used to - back during the ‘old times.’ We’re fine, Ash and I - we had a good talk, I went to her brother-in-law’s memorial with her - we hugged it out. She’s beautiful and dangerous, and I’m the shit-head ex - sentiments we both agree on compltely. As long as she’s happy - I’m happy, and glad she’s back with us.”

“Ash and I do talk when you’re not around, Ben.” Kaidan answers, sounding irritated. “And you didn’t answer my question.”

The waiter returns, rather quickly, with their drinks, and Ben immediately begins to fiddle with the label of his bottle. It looks and smells like beer he’d grown up with on Mindoir, but the typeface is asari- he’ll never get used to alien beer, it just doesn’t look right without the roman or cyrillic script across the front. _Focus, Ben._ “Sorry - going back, right on all three counts, actually, and in that order. And no - no new developments, nothing that’ll stick, anyway.”

“Really?” Kaidan asks, putting his hands flat on the table, making a triangle around his own beer with his thumbs and forefingers, looking at it as if it is a puzzle to be solved.

“No.” _What is this about Kaidan_ “Just my usual antics, as you said. Something up?”

Kaidan sighs. “There are always rumors, Shepard. Rumors about you and Steve, you and Miranda, you and Liara.”

Ben huffs, irritated in turn, “and you think we should listen to rumors?”

Kaidan shrugs, “There were rumors Saren was up to something before Eden Prime; rumors colonies were being attacked in the Terminus systems; rumors you weren’t dead before Horizon.”

“Fair enough.” Ben answers, looking away. “The rumors were not completely unfounded, or I made them that way, but they are now."

Kaidan is quiet for several beats, allowing Brennan to focus on the dull thud his heart makes with each beat, ( _how is the Presidium so quiet - are there dampeners?_ ) before Kaidan breaks the silence. “So what changed- to make them unfounded, I mean?”

Deciding there was nothing else for it, he lets out a breath and decides to get it all over with at once. “I made a move on Steve, and he turned me down. So I got a little bit drunk and went to Lawson’s for a good bickering session. And it turned out she wanted to get me out of her system, and I, well, obliged, and she’s shut of me, as far as that goes. Then I ran into Liara on the way here and she kissed me, as friends, mostly, but a proper kiss before giving me a pat on the shoulder and sending me on my way to meet up with you.”

Kaidan lets out a low whistle, which Ben doesn’t know how to interpret. “You have been busy.” he says with a small, rueful smile. “You should write the manual on how to maximize shore-leave, Ben.”

“I could call it, ‘How to interact romantically with people who know to get out of the way of your chaos.’ Or is that too many words?” Brennan barks a short laugh, but falls quiet when Kaidan looks up at him, another unreadable expression on his face.

“I don’t.” is all Kaidan says.

“You don’t what, Kaidan?” Ben asks.

“I don’t know how to get out of the way of your chaos. It hasn’t occurred to me to try.” Kaidan looks away, “Tell me Shepard, and be straight with me, any one you want to go track down, shake some sense into, for letting you slip through their fingers? I mean, Steve, or Miranda, or even Liara or Ash - do you want to track down the Quarian fleet, swoop in and find Tali?”

“I want to shake some sense into you, Kaidan. Why are you worried about me? You don’t need to be, I’ll be fine - I’m always fine.”

“Except when you’re not.” Kaidan shoots back, a pained look on his face.

“I’m okay,” Ben assures him. “This afternoon… has been interesting - but, Steve was an impulse, and not a great one. Miranda is Miranda, it was a casual thing - more fun to argue with than woo. And Liara’s practically married to her work, she didn’t offer, and I don’t want, more. Man… this got heavy fast.” Kaidan started to speak, but Ben gestured, indicating he wasn’t finished. “Ash and I are wwwayyyy over, and if I’m right, she is one good party away from boarding the Latin meat wagon. And Tali - I haven’t heard from Tali in a long time - and she deserves better, always has.”

“Ben, I didn’t mean.. just listen a minute, alright?” Kaidan asked, requesting he say his piece in turn. “I’ve spent most of my life focusing, developing my biotics, dealing with my past, building a career - doing what’s right, by my family, by my crew, by the Alliance. And now the world is ending, or it might be, and I still want to do the right thing - but the only thing that makes a bit of difference, in the end, is you.”

“Kaidan.” Ben said softly, but Kaidan didn’t respond, just continued, turning to look at the bar.

“The thing is, I never stopped to find someone… special, and I found you anyway. But, I’d rather you’d be with someone you loved, then settle for being with me - so I had to ask, even if it’s not my business.”

“You and me? Is that what you mean?” Ben asked, unable to think.

“It makes sense, after a fashion. It feels right, doesn’t it?”

Ben’s insides did their Kaidan thing again, __Oh - right, that’s what you’re doing in there - falling for Kaidan while I was otherwise occupied._ _ He reaches across the table, putting his hand on Kaidan’s. “I don’t deserve you either, especially you. But I like the sound of us, I really do.”

“So, that’s a yes?” Kaidan asks, sounding hopeful.

“You know me, don’t you Kaidan?” Ben teases softly.

“That was a yes - right there.” Kaidan smiles “Good.”

An omni tool bings loudly, and Ben instinctively brings his arm up, activating the tool to shut the damn thing off. “It’s actually mine,” Kaidan says sheepishly, “I, uh, blocked all calls save the Council. They, or their secretaries, want me to, uh, do a thing - some of my students made it to the Citadel, and may have caused a bit of a ruckus.”

“May have?” Ben asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I think they may have taken some of my stories about our… adventures, to heart. They may have been re-enacting a certain celebratory event of our youth.”  
“Skinny dipping on the presidium? You did tell them it was at night, after an emergency curfew had been enacted? And I will have you know, am only a year older from then, even if it was three years ago.”

“I’m aware - and they were too drunk to care, from the verbiage in the message.” Kaidan stands, and rounds the table, drawing his hand up Ben’s arm, a wicked smile on his face, standing slightly behind him to speak into his ear. “I’ll do this, and meet you later, the usual place?”

Ben bends his elbow, taking Kaidan’s hand in his again. “Portside Observation is a bit public, I’m thinking my cabin, maybe.”

“Sure Shepard,” Kaidan chuckles “I’ll message you when I’m on my way back. Try not to cause too much more trouble between here and there.”

“Good - looking forward to it. I’ll try, I’ll focus - really.” Ben tries to maintain his cool. Kaidan gives him a smirk as he turns to leave, and Ben watches him walk away, finally able to do so without feeling guilt. He watched Kaidan round the corner, and he is alone with his thoughts - and his insides do their ‘Kaidan’ thing again. __I am in trouble this time - don’t fuck this up, Ben.__

The waiter wanders over, and Ben orders another drink and two dinners to go, settles up the bill, and fails to suppress the low-level panic that begins to eat away at the giddy happiness Kaidan has left him with. Still, he sweet talks Aethyta into selling him another bottle from behind her bar, hopping up onto the bar and surprising her with a kiss on the cheek when she relents. He intercepts the waiter bringing his package of his and Kaidan’s dinner on his way out, and makes straight for D24, not allowing anyone, or anything, to slow him up - he’s learned the hard way that he’s never asked to do quick and easy favors anymore. When he reaches the exit to the Commons, he opts for the rapid transit station in lieu of risking the elevators, strapping the takeout and the bottle into the passenger seat before settling in for a drive that, for once, isn’t life or death.


	4. Having to be Brave & Stupid

Brennan made to the docking bay, and through it, without any undue attention and with only overhearing two or three conversations he thinks he should store away for when he was back on duty. Brushing shoulders with Traynor in the airlock, who oddly enough had her toothbrush in hand, he spun and walked backwards, giving a wink when she gestures to his provisions and smirks as she salutes him with her toothbrush.

“Confidence will get you everywhere Traynor - have a good night!” he called to her as he stepped backwards onto the bridge. She ducked her head at that, but was still smiling as she gave a final wave and turned back to take on the Citadel’s nightlife. Turning to face the CIC, he made a beeline for the elevators, still superstitious that he’s not going to quite make it without interruption. He does have to ‘at-ease’ a pair of ensigns who stumble into him in their eagerness to get off-ship and give a peremptory yes to a serviceman desperate to get approval for their pantry requisitions so she could herself leave for her liberty. Slipping into the elevator, he elbowed the panel to select the loft, and leaned back against the back wall, and looking at the ceiling, a silly habit he didn’t think he’d everd be able to break, called to EDI.

“Hey EDI, where you at?”

“I’m in the ship, Shepard, as I always am.” EDI responded immediately. I can never tell if it’s the quantum computing, or if she’s always just waiting for all of us to speak.

“Yeah - yes, I mean your body, you busy?”

“I am on the Citadel, bipedally, as it were.”

“Oh- having fun?” 

“I am enjoying myself. Shepard-” EDI said, then paused.

“Is everything OK?”

“Of course - you usually do not seek me out when you are pensive. Do you need my assistance? I was not sure if I should say anything, or wait for you to bring it up.”

“Right, it’s not like you to second-guess yourself.” Ben said, grinning smugly.

“Nor you, Shepard.”

Shepard stepped off the elevator, and depositing the take-out on his desk, turned and sat on its edge.

“You haven’t know me for very long.”

“I’ve known you for almost my entire life, Shepard.” EDI parried, sounding slightly amused.

“Wait - how old are you?” Ben asked, actually curious.

“A lady never reveals her age, Shepard - Former Operative Lawson’s counsel.”

“Fair enough, please forgive my imprudence. Speaking of…”

“Are you going to ask for my advice, Shepard?” EDI asked when Ben trailed off.

“Yes.” Ben responded with shrug. “Fair play considering you ask me all those questions- and I suppose you're the smartest crew member on the ship.”

“While I do have the superior access to data, you are usually most eager to get the Major’s opinion on any given manner.”

“The Major - Kaidan - is the topic. In fact - do you have a location on the Major?”

“Scanning - he has just left the C-Sec substation closest to the Council Tower. He seems to be heading for the rapid transit station. Do you want me to-”

“No!” Ben interjected, standing quickly before realizing there was no reason to, and relaxing.

“Alright Shepard. Do you wish to continue our conversation?”

“Of course, EDI, but do you mind if I shower while we talk - you don’t have any cameras in there, right?”

“I have no qualms about conversing while you bathe - and I have never had cameras in your private bathroom. Are you planning a personal assignation with the Major, Shepard?”

Ben was already divested of his shirt and half out of his trousers when EDI dropped that deduction on him. “Um - yes, in fact.” he admitted, feeling slightly foolish it had taken so long to get to the point.

“Are you asking me for interpersonal, romantic, advice - as you have assisted Joker and myself?”

“I guess I am.” Ben stepped into his shower, and trying to make the shower quick, knowing that Kaidan was on his way back _Major Bullshit- I’ll message you when I’m on my way he said._ “What do you think?”

“I am flattered, Shepard, but I digress - I would think a good first step would be to change the locking algorithms - we reinstated the your protocols from your original period of residence, they… have been distributed.”

“Thank you… EDI” Ben said slowly, as he turned off the shower. “No other qualms, no faults in the possible outcome scenarios with this particular data-set?”

“I don’t have any applicable software or core programming protocols to run in these cases. I would have used them to evaluate the possibilities between myself and Jeff, if I did.”

“Right - sorry. Stupid question.” Ben said as he grabbed a fresh uniform and began to dress.

“Shepard - you told Jeff it was acceptable to act a bit stupid, and advised I needed to be a bit brave. Is it that you think you lacking the latter, or incapable of the former, yourself?” EDI paused, but when Ben only snorted in answer, continued. “I think the chances for an optimal outcome are quite high - you will make each other happy.”

Shepard's omni-tool binged, and he opened his messages with a sigh as he absorbed EDI’s answer. There were two, arriving one right after the other, the first was from Kaidan, the second from Joker.

FROM CONTACT: KAIDAN : NEEDED TO MAKE ANOTHER STOP - ON MY WAY. ADVISE IF SNAFU OR FUBAR, WILL ADJUST PLAN OF ACTION ACCORDINGLY. - YOURS K  
and  
FROM CONTACT: SMART-ASS/JOKER: KAIDAN!!! - REALLY !!!!!!

“EDI, you’re with Joker, right? He knows?”

“Apologies, Shepard - Joker noticed I was ‘smiling too hard.’ He can be persistent.”

“And observant.” Ben added. “No worries, EDI. Thanks for the advice - can you go ahead and make those security changes? Send it on to Kaidan’s Omni-Tool as well?”

“Of course, Shepard. Done. Should I ‘log you out’, as it were.”

“Yes, please. And EDI, thanks - I needed the talk, with a friend.”

“Of… You’re welcome, Shepard. Logging you out.”

Now fully dressed and only slightly damp, Ben typed out a pair of responses.

TO CONTACT: NOSY SHIT/JOKER: STFU - UNLESS YOU WANT DETAILS.  
TO CONTACT: KAIDAN: SNAFU - NO WORRIES. I HAVE FOOD - BTW.

Then, all Ben had to do was to wait for Kaidan, and fret.


	5. First Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well...

It isn’t twenty minutes he’s waiting -but Ben moves the food three times, finally leaving it on his coffee table, where they’ve always eaten anyway. He resists the urge to start drinking again, but he opens the bottle - which he’s glad he’s done, it’s a very fancy looking bottle of asari liqueur with an odd gimmicky trick to getting it open, and it’s not a very dignified process of discovery. He feeds the fish, checks his terminal, and he quickly left with nothing to do but to stare at his fish and wonder if he should change into his civs - its not like it matters what he wears in his private cabin when he’s on _a….date. With Kaidan._

The double-edge blade falls and Ben can hear the elevator clang to the top of the shaft and the doors open. The digital chirping of the locking protocols - sounding distinctly different with the update, and Ben wonders if Kaidan will notice. Before Ben decides if he’d want Kaidan to notice, Kaidan is striding in as he has dozens of times over the last year and a half. He’s holding another bottle - the label indecipherable, but the liquid glowing that unmistakable green-yellow of their mystery booze from Chora’s Den that featured so prominently in their post-Sovereign celebrations.

Ben is standing on the steps that separates the two halves of his cabin, and turning to greet Kaidan when Kaidan catches him unawares by stooping to set the bottle on the floor, homing in on Ben without breaking stride or pausing for any of their usual small-talk. Recovering quickly as Kaidan approaches the steps, Ben presses his back against the fish tank - he knows the look in Kaidan's eyes - he’s made those eyes at most things he himself has wanted. Reaching Ben, Kaidan stands in front of him, one hand on the glass beside Ben’s head, the other cupping the back of his head.

“Hey there, Ben.” Kaidan says breathlessly, leaning into Ben, their shirts just brushing, and leaning down so their foreheads almost touch, the hand in Ben’s hair flexing into a stroke. “I’ve uh… been thinking.”

Ben let his hands alight on Kaidan’s torso, lightly, mostly fingertips, his fingers still curled. “You to tend to do that, Kaidan. Care to share?”

“That’s the idea… Ben.” Kaidan shudders as Ben’s hands move, finding more demanding purchase on Kaidan’s sides, over the thinner fabric of the uniform’s undershirt. 

Ben flicks his eyes up to meet Kaidan’s, the slight movement of his head causing their noses to brush. He takes a deep breath to steady himself, which is a mistake, because Kaidan is so close, the scent of him, the sight of him, the feel of him... _Please want what I want, Kaidan._

“A long time ago,” Kaidan began “we were once very happy, very drunk, and I thought you were about to kiss me in the alley between Chora’s Den and the lift to the Presidium.”

“Keep talking, Kaidan” Ben said, almost in a pant. “Keep going.”

“The thing was - we were also pretty fucking stupid.”

“I was stupid, K - I should have-”

“Yes,” Kaidan sighed, cutting him off before closing the distance between and and drowning Ben in the taste of Kaidan’s lips on his own. Ben, still being Brennan Shepard, is the first to test the boundaries with his tongue, feeling a charge when Kaidan immediately admits him. But it’s Kaidan who tilts his head, and using his leverage of his hand on Brennan’s head, who deepens the kiss, making it primal, making Ben forget himself and melt into Kaidan. Ben sags as his bones turn to jelly, but Kaidan lowers his hand from its bracing against the wall to wrap around Ben’s waist, pressing their bodies close and using his three-inch height advantage and bringing Ben to his toes, chasing after the kiss as Kaidan pulls him along.

It’s Kaidan who breaks first, easing Ben back flat onto his feet, releasing the grip on the back of his head to stroke Ben’s jaw as he brought his forehead down to rest on Ben’s. “That’s what I was thinking about as I used my Spectre status to get a bunch of young soldiers out of a drunk and disorderly. That’s what I thought about when you and Ashley stared each other down during the coup That’s what I tried not to think about while we fought the Collectors. That’s what I dreamt about when I wasn’t reliving the day you died.”

“And now that you’ve had that kiss?” Ben asks.

“Again - More - Forever, if you’ll let me?” Kaidan asks, pulling back slight so his eyes fully meet Ben’s.

“Always. Kaidan - for as long as you’ll have me.” Ben answers, less confident than he meant to sound.

“Always, Shepard.” Kaidan aggrees, letting out a long breath. “That went, better than I thought it would. You’re kind of overwhelming, Ben.”


	6. Not Just Dinner

I’m overwhelming, K?” Ben laughs, ducking below Kaidan’s arm and stepping towards the couches, and the food. 

“If - things change, one day, you can change your mind Ben, I don’t…”

Ben spun on his heel, _I’m going to screw this up_ , and watched Kaidan flinch ever so slightly. “I’m not looking for an out, Kaidan.

“And you haven’t done anything wrong, Ben.. This is just.. heavy - and we don’t really know how this will all play out.”

“No - you’re right, we don’t. But that doesn’t mean I want anything more or less than all of you, unfiltered.”

“Not anymore,” Kaidan says solemnly, “anything less and I wouldn't be able to do all of this, without you. We - we need this, us.”

“Glad we agree - now, can I tempt you with a late lunch, or dinner, that you were so abruptly prevented from having due to having to commit what I expect is your first slight abuse of Spectre status?”

“Of course - I’m starving. And it was hardly an abuse. My paperwork is current - but theirs isn’t. I’m still listed as the guys’ CO. My name showing up on a C-SEC report raised red-flags. They weren’t very drunk, and down to undershirts and briefs isn’t exactly scandalous- unless you're a Turian unfamiliar with human behavior.”

Ben plops on the couch, sliding one of the boxes towards Kaidan’s usual spot, which Kaidan scoops up, stepping over the low table that usually separates them, and settles in close to Ben, their hips touching. Ben slouches into him, opening his box, and lets out a soft curse.

“Wrong order?” Kaidan asks, pointing at Ben’s food with his chopsticks, having already downed three bites of his own.

“I said I wanted a FORK, friggen asari use ‘em. But no, human - must use chopsticks.”

Kaidan picks up a piece of Bens dinner with his own chopsticks and, feeding it to him, teases, “Now you’ll have to let me teach you.”

Ben couldn’t help the heat rising in his cheeks. “Trying to civilize me, Kaidan?”

“Never, Shepard. I’d just like to be able to go out for a meal with my guy without it devolving into quest for the elusive fork.”

“Nothing stopping you from just bringing one along wherever we go. You’re always prepared.” Ben said, mulishly stabbing at his food with this chopsticks, spearing one of larger pieces and bringing it, precariously perched, to his mouth.

“It’s easier than trying to eat using biotics.” Kaidan offers by consolation.

“True, at least the food falls down instead of flying accross the room.” Ben shrugs, shoveling another mouthful, using a bit more effort. Swallowing, he sets his chopsticks down, tilts his head, and is quiet for a moment.”

“Uh oh,” Kaidan says, “I know that face. Can I at least finish dinner before you drag me and the rest of the crew off to wherever you just realized we had to be ASAP?” Kaidan’s tone is teasing, and he’s reaching for the bottle of asari booze Ben left open on the table. He takes a swig, and laughs. “Pink as it is, I didn’t it to expect it to taste like bubblegum. Do you think that’s a coincidence, or did they-”

“I want you to stay the night Kaidan -” Ben says in a rush. “There’s just-”

“Shore-screen.” Kaidan interrupts in turn. 

“Yeah… I didn’t know a nice Alliance boy like you would know that particular bit of slang.” Ben teases, trying to, but not quite succeeding in hiding his embarrassment.

“I know a lot of things, Shepard, you should get you used that, especially after all this time.” Kaidan takes another bite and fiddles with him omni-tool, flipping through menus faster than Ben can read the text backwards. With a pair of jabs at the haptic interface and and the swipe that sends the screen flying out of projection range, shutting it down, Kaidan leans back and takes another swallow from the bottle. “Chakwas still has office hours every morning during and after we’re docked. I’ve booked spots for us bright and early o-seven-hundred this morning.”

“Kaidan - you don’t have to go with me - it’ll be emb-”

“I won’t be going for moral support - or for assurances about your health.” Kaidan shrugs at him, “you’re not the only one with recent mileage in that regard.”

Ben narrowed his eyes, “Kaidan, have you been holding out on me? When have you been misbehaving?”

“It’s not misbehaving Shepard. It was, is living. It was just sex, Ben…”

Shepard flings a piece of his meal at Kaidan, losing a chopstick in the process. “Stop right there. If that’s where you think I was going, you should be calling me a hypocrite.” Ben shrugs, “I just think the idea of you fucking anyone, even if its not me, to be kind of hot. We’ve been a thing for all of what? three, four, hours, I don’t think it means we stop what we used to do - except the whole not doing anything about wanting to fuck each other senseless - and its.. yeah… hot.”

“It’s hot - even if it was Ashley?” Kaidan asks, eyebrow raised.

“Especially - I don’t even have to use my imagination for that. Well, I wouldn’t after we -” Ben coughs to cover the abrupt end of his sentence. “Was it Ashley?”

“No - but I knew you would wonder.” Kaidan hands the bottle to Ben. “You brought the hot-pink alien-girl drink, I’ll be damned if you make me drink the whole bottle.” 

Then, shoveling the last of his food into his mouth, drops his box on the table and launches himself off the couch, heading for the bottle he dropped on his way in.

Ben takes a long drink, and it is surprisingly bubble-gum-like, bubble gum dissolved in gasoline, but he supposes that means it will do the trick any booze is supposed to accomplish. Taking a look at the bottle, he recognizes a bit of the label, the number 96 and the asari notation for percentage. _‘I love you Aethyta. You might get me killed, but I love you like a totally inappropriate uncle.’_

Kaidan returns with his green mystery bottle - already taking a drink. He hands it to Ben as he drops back down. “That’s definitely the same stuff - all this time Liara thought it might not exist anymore. I, uh, had her track it down - thought if anyone could...” he trails off as Ben takes a swallow of it, watching his throat work.

“See you’re using your connections for good, Kaidan.” Ben almost giggles as he starts to feel the effects of the back-to-back drinks. He lets his head fall to Kaidan’s shoulder. “Damn, Kaidan, you’ve had what, 4, 5, already. Why aren’t you walking sideways?”

“I don’t have cybernetic implants optimizing my metabolism, I guess - sucks to be you.” Kaidan teases, picking up his chopsticks and managing to ferry a bite from Ben’s box to Ben’s face without disturbing their position. “What is this, anyway? It’s not exactly Earth food.”

Ben shrugs as he chews. “Dunno.” he says before he swallows, then “I asked for two specials, one with a FORK.”

“Priorities, right?” Kaidan asks, feeding him another bite. “You’re lucky I’m not a picky eater. A lot of people like to know what they’re eating, can kind of ruin a date otherwise.”

“They also usually like to know what kind of bottle they’re being handed, with stuff like Ryncol out there. I guess we just trust each other, s’all.” Ben says, closing his eyes as he accepts the food, chews, and swallows. “I still want you to stay over, even if we can’t…”

“Sure thing, Shepard.” Kaidan says lightly, softly, as always matching Ben's meaning if not his tone.

Ben hears Kaidan set down the chopsticks, and can hear Kaidan taking a drink and imagines what his throat must look like as the muscles work - and lets his mind wander to what other parts of Kaidan will look like when he’s doing other things - things they can’t do until tomorrow, if shore-screen goes as well as he hopes.

“Hey,” Kaidan interrupts his thoughts with a nudge. “You may be a light-weight, but I don’t recall you being a sleepy drunk.”

“Just being friendly,” Ben replies, nuzzling Kaidan’s shoulder. “Remember Joker and never have I ever, after the Omega 4?”

“Just how friendly we feeling, Ben?” Kaidan asks, shifting slightly.

“Only thing making me regret the rest of the day before we met up.” Ben supplied, opening his eyes and looking up, finding Kaidan looking down at his already, looking as heated as he did when he walked in. “Are you always going to ask permission first?” he says, before leaning up and into the kiss.

It’s slow, at first, a slow burning build-up - more an exploration of the new territory they’ve entered than their first crash-landing. They both taste like the pretty-good mystery food, and the bubble gum and vegetable green booze that has them tipsy, which is a little weird, but Ben’s learned that things don’t matter when the kissing is good - and this is fucking fantastic kissing. The pace allows them to shift and move, finding just the right angle, the best access, without losing their place, saving them from bashing noses or clacking teeth - it's like they’ve never not been kissing.

Ben wonders if Kaidan feels just as in over his head as Ben knows himself to be.

 _Probably not._ He answers himself as Kaidan pulls himself up, and slinging a leg over Ben’s middle, straddles him, pinning him to the couch. Kaidan fixes him with a kiss, then pulls back to look at Ben. Smiling he explains, “I’m feeling friendly too - definitely not completely chaste.”

“We should address the issue.” Ben smiles, reaching for the snaps attaching the outer-vest to Kaidan’s trousers. “You are such a bad influence, Kaidan.”

“Me?” Kaidan laughs, causing his body to shift in Ben’s lap, allowing them both to discover each other’s arousal. “Most people think I just follow you around.”

“You follow me?” Ben asks as he wrenches the snaps free, “I suppose - but everyone knows I listen to you - don’t think I don’t know the crew badger you when they want me to do something.”

“True,” Kaidan says, pushing Ben’s hands away and removing the offending layer of clothing himself.


	7. The First Night

They eventually decide the shirts and briefs should stay on, and, while both blushed, agreed that third base was their hard limit, as it were. They finish off both bottles between the bouts of alternating, talking, kissing, and heavy breathing, it gets late and they end up in bed, Ben settling back into Kaidan’s chest, Kaidan’s arm around Ben, holding him close.

“You never answered my question, earlier, about when you had been misbehaving last.” Ben says.

“S’not important.” Kaidan answers, with a slight slur brought on my drink and the denied need for sleep. He kisses Ben neck, just below the hairline. “Never seeing them again, ‘nway.”

“Of course it isn’t.” Ben answers, with a shiver. Then, perking up at Kaidan’s use of pronouns. “Them? That means more than one.”

“Mmhm,” Kaidan agrees, planting another kiss and flattening his hand against Ben’s abdomen. “That is the usual meaning.”

Ben settles deeper into the curve of Kaidan’s body, nudging his shoulder back into Kaidan’s chest. “Not to sound to sound possessive, or jealous. But when have you had time? You’re just as, if not busier, than me.”

“”twas at the same time.” Kaidan answers with a yawn.

This information brings Ben to attention, mentally and physically. Kaidan, having sex, with more than one person? It shouldn’t sound nearly as arousing as Ben feels, but it does. Ben swallows hard and tries to think of a response.

“Is anything wrong?” Kaidan asks, sounding a bit more awake, and a lot more worried than Ben would like.

“No. No. Just, uh, trying to not be creepy, again.” Ben answers, trying to snuggle backwards reassuringly, as if they could get any closer, to reassure Kaidan.

“Wha… How---why?” Kaidan says, confused, but still not pulling away.

“I said you and other people, it’s hot. You and two other people, extra hot.” Ben answers. “Sorry if that’s”

Kaidan shushes him, and to Ben’s surprise, pleased surprise, begins sliding his hand down Ben’s stomach, past his waistband, and wraps the wandering around Ben, letting out a pleased little hum as he finds it half hard with a flick of the wrist. “So I see.” Kaidan says, his voice low. So -details?” he asks.

“Details - sure.” Ben answers in a rush of air out of his lungs, “Whatever you want when you’re doing… what you’re doing.”

“Ok, Ben.” Kaidan sighs as he strokes Ben’s cock, slowly. “I met them at the reception after Williams and I were officially made Spectres. The one you skipped to run errands, since we were on the Citadel. You still with me?”

“Uh huh,” Ben shivered, Kaidan not deviating from the slow, almost teasing pace he had set. “Met who?”

“A couple, actually, Tara and Thomas, from Beckenstein. She approached me first, with thank yous and congratulations, saying her husband was a huge fan. He stood off a ways, a bit shy, she told me. I don’t think she even knew.”

“Knew what, K?”

“Thomas wasn’t just a fan, he wanted. Nervous and horny look different, when you know what to look for.”

“How’d it happen? You didn’t just announce to his wife that her husband wanted to fuck you?”

“Naw, Ben.” Kaidan said into his ear, planting a kiss before pulling back slightly. “We got a drink, got to talking. It was a pretty boring party, and Williams skipped out early, Vega tagging along. She was, pretty, in that civilian professional way - nice clothes, great hair - red, a trade envoy for the colony. And Thom, Thom was a soldier, fully benefiting from the gene mods - if not from the PTSD, he said, keeping the Alliance taking him back.”

“Pity.” Ben replies.

“Doesn’t matter.” Kaidan says. “It didn’t come up again. We had a few more drinks, and Thom relaxes, starts standing close. Tara’s standing there, looking between us, confused, I think. She asks if I have a girlfriend, and I told her that I’m unattached, at the moment - mostly true despite my pre-occupation. I might of, said something, along the lines that I was waiting for the right opportunity with the right people.”

“Right.” Ben laughed, and lurched as Kaidan began stroking more in earnest.

‘Yeah, and here we are. Do you want to know what happened?” Kaidan asks. “We don’t have to talk, if you’d rather.”

“Keep going.” Ben tells him. “The good stuff.”

“Sure thing.” Kaidan huffs. “I offered them a lift home, Council sprung for private cars. We get back to Thom & Tara’s and it’s Thom who invites me in for a drink. We have more than one- and Tara joked she never brought a guy home with her husband before, and I asked her if it’s any different than when she was single. Then Thom told us it didn’t have to be. I had her first, Thom said he wanted to watch. We fucked in their bed, her husband watching, still dressed and hard as a rock - but he’s watching me as much as her. He didn’t want to just watch. And here I am fucking his wife - and he’s just as enticing. So I call him over, and it’s Tara’s turn to watch.”

“What was it like?” Ben interrupts.

“It was ok - fun.” Kaidan replies. Then he buries his face in Ben’s shoulder. “We got off, and I left. It was only a little awkward at the end. Now shush and let me get you off.”

Ben gave a little moan, but gathered up his frayed self control, pulled away from Kaidan’s hand. Turning over, he looked Kaidan in the eyes. “May have had too much to drink for that to work, K.” Ben said, placing a hand on Kaidan’s chest. “But something’s up, right?” 

_‘I wonder if Ash gave him advice to distract me with sex.’_ he added silently, remembering earlier lapses.

Kaidan shrugged, and Ben winced. With a smirk, Kaidan cupped Ben’s jaw with his hand. “Just remembering embarrassing details. And I know, you may be quick to jump-into a relationship, or out of one. But you don't screw around, really - and I…”

“Oh.. oh. Do we need to have the ground rules conversation?”

“Maybe…” Kaidan hedged.

“I’m not assuming we’re exclusive Kaidan. If you want…”

“No - not what I was getting at, Shepard.” Kaidan says, quickly. “I just, just haven’t had this - something this easy, right. You know, being just myself with someone I care about.”

“I get that, Kaidan. What do you want?”

Kaidan sighs, “Galactic peace, the Reapers in hell, and you.”

Ben laughs, “Working on one and two, third one’s in the bag. We can work out the details as we go” he gestures as if checking of a list.

“I’m glad.” Kaidan smiles and leans in for a kiss. “Sorry I was a bit weird - long day. Good, but long.”

“Definitely.” Ben replies after. “And I plan on tomorrow being just as long, why have 48 hours of liberty if not to put them to good use? So maybe we should table this in favor of actual sleep?”

“Aye aye, Ben.” Kaidan sighs, sagging a bit, out of exhaustion or relief, Ben can’t really tell. “One last thing, then it’ll be over and we can move on?”

“Shoot.” Ben says as he resettles under the covers, preparing for sleep.

“That couple - Thom - he, uh, looked like you. Not a lot, but enough. It was why I went for it - and later, it brought the point home, about us. And it’s such a shit reason to finally… you know, go for it.”

“Funny,” Ben answers, “Can’t be fucked to care much about the details- just chuffed it’s happened.” He gives Kaidan another sleepy smile. “I’m just glad you’re here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there it is. Ben exists in my head and little ficlets I have stored up. If you liked it, they'rell probly be more soonish?


End file.
